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Archive for the category “Weight Lost And Found”

Bucket list?

I turn 30 in 2014 and I’m thinking about making a 30 before 30 bucket list.  Should I start it now or wait until I turn 29?  I already have some ideas of what I’m putting on my list.  I remember a site my friend Natasha Show introduced me to years ago called 43 Things.  I stopped using it a long time ago.  Does anyone still use it?  How quickly I grow tired of things on the internet.  Myspace, LJ, AIM… all things I used to use constantly and now they are a distant memory.

I felt a little ill when I got home from work today.  My heartburn was flaring up and I was in a general mopey mood.  Normally on days like this I would plop myself on the couch and not move the rest of the evening.  Today I forced myself to treadmill and I feel much better.  Good enough to update my blog anyway.  I made a basketball bracket with some people and won some money so I’m using the winnings to purchase some exercise equipment.  I’m getting an exercise floor mat (the basement is concrete and not fun to hit my knees on), a medicine ball, and some resistance bands.  I’m slowly building myself a nice workout area.  I already have the punching bag (which I love!) and a dumbbell set.  I also have the treadmill although it’s in the dungeon aka the office.  I wish we had put it in the basement because I doubt I’m ever going to get it down there now since it’s so heavy.  I’m also interested in getting a balance ball.  Has anyone purchased one?  Upon reading reviews people say that it takes forever to pump them up with the air pump provided.  Not sure if it would be worth buying a separate pump or not.  Maybe with all my stuff I’ll have workout parties at my house!  :)

I just finished reading Silver Linings Playbook.  It was good.  I saw the movie before I read the book.  I really enjoyed the movie…maybe more than the book.  Is that weird?  I’m looking for my next reading material.  I kind of want to re-read Hunger Games since the promo for the new movie just came out and I’m excited.  I’m also thinking about Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling.  What are you reading?

Finding my way back

Hello!  I’m back.  I’ve had a couple people ask about my posting.  I pay for this site so I should make an effort to use it.  I also paid for that trashcan full of fruit I just tossed so I’m getting the sense I’m a wasteful person.  I’m going to try to make an effort to keep up with my blog for my 1 or 2 loyal readers.  :)

I did a little shopping at Target yesterday.  Normally when I go into Target I’m lucky if I get out of there with $100 still in my bank account.  Yesterday I spent less than $50 so that was a win for me.  I bought a hipster looking tank top.  It’s a women’s plus size.  It’s not that I felt bad about having to buy that particular size of clothing… it’s just that it made me remember how excited I was when I could fit into misses XL’s after losing some weight before.  I wanted that feeling back.  I’ve been weighing myself and after I stopped Weight Watchers I’ve only gained 2 pounds on the scale but the scale doesn’t tell everything.  Obviously my body is changing back to pudgy, any muscle I gained is turning back to fat… which won’t show up on the scale but definitely shows up in how my clothes fit.

I joined Weight Watchers again today.  My 5% goal is 176.7.  9 pounds lighter than my weight when I quit a few months ago.  I made a 3 month commitment (since it was cheaper) so we’ll see how it goes.  It’s time for me to stop complaining about how I look and do something about it.

Of course signing up on the same day I made plans to work on my 30 beers in 30 days challenge wasn’t my most brilliant plan.  :)

20 pounds lost and a pair of pants found

I started actively trying to lose weight in February of this year and I am pleased to announce I finally hit my 10% weight loss goal.  I am now 20 pounds lighter than I was 4 months ago.

Losing an average of 1 pound a week was definitely frustrating.  In my mind I was thinking I was failing.  In reality consistently losing weight, no matter how slow, is pretty awesome.  Awesome.  Awesome.  Awesome.  I need to keep telling myself that because I get down on myself too much.  I also found a pair of pants that I can wear now that I couldn’t 4 months ago… possibly a year ago.

Yes, I still look at myself and think I’m fat.  I’m still depressed about how I look even after the 20 pounds.  It’s an every day and what feels like an every minute struggle.  I think about my weight constantly throughout the day.  It’s exhausting to feel that bad about yourself.  My friend gave me some advice last week.  She told me I need to find my journey.  Granted she’s religious so she was comparing it to finding a journey with God.  But it’s not bad advice, even for us non-religious folks.  I need to find my journey in life and focus on that instead of spending all my brain cells focusing on my fatness.

Obviously a great idea in theory except I’m finding it hard to find it.  So for right now I’m going to focus on going through my closet to find some more pants.

Today’s I’m fat rant…

I started Weight Watchers online in February of this year.  To date I’ve lost 15+ pounds on the plan.  For the last month I’ve fluctuated between a 2 and 4 pound weight gain.  It’s been very hard to commit to the Weight Watchers plan.  I know what I should be eating and what I shouldn’t and I’ve found that if I really want to eat something I shouldn’t, I will just convince myself that I’ve already failed for the week and not bother to record any of my food.  Losing weight is stupid hard.  Especially for someone that loves eating and hates exercising!

Earlier this weekend I cancelled my Weight Watchers account because it was a waste of money since I wasn’t following it.

This afternoon I went shopping because I wanted to get some summer clothes.  I ended up buying 1 shirt.  Everything else I looked at made me feel extremely fat.  I’m not one of those girls that is comfortable with her muffin top and rolls showing.  I seriously considered buying maternity clothes because all my weight is in my stomach (the least healthy place to carry weight, btw) but my boyfriend wouldn’t let me.  I think I’m a half size between Women’s 1x and Misses XL and it’s an annoying place to be.  Shopping, which used to be something I loved, has turned into a big, shameful chore.  I like shopping for my boyfriend better than for myself… and sometimes I look at his clothes with the thought of “I wonder if I could wear this too.”  This is really sad.  When I started Weight Watchers I had a grand plan to lose 50 pounds by my birthday.  And to give you an idea of just how overweight I am, losing 50 pounds would still classify me as obese.  I have to lose 100 pounds for the racist nurse that does my biometric testing at work to not berate me for being fat.

Sidebar – the nurse is racist because after again berating me for being overweight and not understanding why I’m so fat because all Koreans are the size of twigs, she finally says “But Asian food is so healthy…”

My goal for this summer is to be able to buy t-shirts and shorts that my boyfriend can’t wear.  I just don’t know what path I should take.  Anyone on a weight loss plan that’s really working?  I don’t know whether to go back to Weight Watchers, count calories, try some crazy workout like p90x or Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred, use the time machine to go back to the age of dinosaurs… I bet I’d be super skinny running away from a T-Rex craving Korean.  (challenge accepted.)

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